1. |
||||
2. |
introvert
03:38
|
|||
|
i can't look myself in the eyes anymore
let alone anyone
i can spot a million things wrong with my complexion
i can spend days weeks months tearing myself to bits
who would want someone like that
who would waste their time
over eight billion people on this earth
who am i who am i
over eight billion people
why even try
if i could lock myself up i would
if i could hide away like a hermit i would
if i could disappear i would
if i could wipe others memories i would
if i could not care i would
i would
oh god i would
|
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3. |
dead child
03:41
|
|||
|
when i die i hope there's nothing
no afterlife no heaven no hell
no ghosts no simulation
no whatever
i dont want anyone to see me as i am now
or when i start to rot
and crumble
imagine their disgust
imagine their horror
imagine their speechlessness
what have i become
what have i become
a window on the tenth floor
with enough force i can kick open the window
plummet
sudden
quick
there can't be any fail in this
i don't want to be here
i don't want to be there
not on the ground
not a mess on the ground
it was all for nothing
a waste of time
sad rotten child
|
||||
4. |
bye
07:05
|
|||
|
i want to be cremated
I.
darkened corners
somethings wrong
a banging and yelling
white noise of the street
semen-stained sheets
fantasy driven
thirst trap
large bed
hugs from nothing
II.
somethings wrong
i sense a longing
longing for something
something impossible
difficult to doze off
unimportant things to do
punishment on punishment
dry hands
dry lips
dry skin
hairs from every pore
nobody loves you
III.
the rabbits were slaughtered like pigs
a painful choke
shaky whispering
i can't anymore
it's too much too real it's too real
take these visions away from me
IV.
save me
no
blanket pillow fort
plushies
a mic
confession
empty prayer
alone now
notes for everyone
condolences
attempted explanations
apologies
getting over things
it doesn't matter anymore
freedom
a new low of sadness
reaching deeper lows soon
why
goodbye
goodbye
goodbye
bye
|
||||
5. |
05:11
|
|||
6. |
still here
01:30
|
|||
7. |
back again
01:39
|
|||
|
empty
no one
evil
demon
stupid
|
||||
8. |
out
02:09
|
|||
|
kitchen knives
toolbox
CD shards
plastic bags & tape
cords
corners of tables
bottle of wine
plates
bowls
stove
bike
guitar strings
cleaning supplies
scissors
bottle opener
lacrosse stick
window
pillow
just some of the things i have that could end it all
|
||||
9. |
||||
|
i want to screech with such velocity that my voice will forever be broken beyond repair
i want to weep until i curl up into a ball as a blubbering mess that can barely breathe
i want to beat myself up into a bloody pulp so viciously that i'll lose all resemblance of what i once was and even when looking in the mirror i'll attack myself out of fear and self defense
but then i hear things are going to be better
but that's a lie
it's either going to be the bare minimum or get worse
|
||||
10. |
care
02:13
|
|||
|
i'm doing alright
why do you ask
you're too kind
checking in on me
i feel like i've caused too much trouble already
i might get the wrong idea
i'm so guilty
so confused
|
||||
11. |
chapter 2
02:33
|
|||
|
I.
around six seven years
smile boy
adorable
priceless
a fond memory
dumb bliss
dumb stupid
wild
frantic
worry but productive
II.
around nineteen years
fade
calm
self inflicted
changing
slight maturity
powerless
knowing but powerless
want
lost
knowing but lost
i know
bad
kind
nowhere
worry but concern
(a pattern must be present here although there are few moments in which it contradicts things it really means nothing it persists there's no stopping it you're not okay you're not going to make it you're nothing useless the only thing that is certain is failure)
|
||||
12. |
silver lining
03:29
|
|||
13. |
forget what i said
10:01
|
|||
|
leave me alone
you weren't supposed to see me like this
you would've left a long time ago if you saw me as i am
shut up
don't talk to me anymore
don't even think of saying a fucking word to me
you happy now
are you fucking happy now
stay away
stay away
back back
shut up
i just need to be alone
leave me alone
listen to me leave me alone
you're not listening
you're not fucking listening
get the fuck away from me
get away
get back get away get away
back back back back back
i won't stop
i swear i will not fucking stop
i will fucking scream until your eardrums burst
i don't want you to deal with me anymore
don't talk to me
don't see me again
forget me
forget my face
forget my voice
forget my posture
wipe me slate clean
avoid me
i'm a fucking curse a burden
a stupid cunt that only causes misfortune
you happy now
you happy that you see me as i am now
go
go go go go go
ahhhhhhhh
|
||||
X.X Sugar Portland, Oregon
X.X Sugar (pronounced "ex-doh-ex sugar" or "dead sugar") is an experimental noise/sound artist. A lot of the works here can
go into weird and uncomfortable territories, but it's nothing too serious one can handle, as long as some people get some enjoyment out of it.
X.X Sugar also hopes you are okay :)
... more
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